Sunday, September 13, 2009

Swine Flu: A prediction

Health and Human Services Secretary Sebelius is saying that swine flu shots will be rolled out in October.

I predict... and perhaps (sadly) guarantee, that these vaccinations will become the next crazy cause of the wing-nuts currently busy tea-bagging, denying, death paneling, and birthing their way across country. I predict that Glen Beck will dedicate one of his paranoid, moronic, hyper-ventilating, rants to a new ginned-up conspiracy that the shots have a sinister intent. Just what that intent might be will be left to his fevered imagination but I already have a few ideas for him:

- The serum contains mind control agents that will cause Americans to actually like the concept of health care reform

- The vaccine will cause Beck viewers to watch more Ninja Warrior and less of his show

- It will make Evolution seem as logical and thorough as it really is, and as a by-product will make Creationists say something like "I used to believe what?"

- It will cause voters in Minnesota to finally realize they are actually smarter and have more on the ball intellectually than Michelle Bachman

- It will have a generally calming effect on those who, for whatever reason, hate the idea of an African-American in the White House

- It will awaken that part of the brain that his been has lain dormant for eight years that permits critical thinking. The first utterances after the serum takes will be "hey, we went to war on a lie! That Bush was an asshole!"

Seriously, would it surprise anyone? I predict, Beck (or Sarah Palin, or Michael Savage, or O'Reilly, or Rush Limbaugh, but probably it will be Glenn, as he has carved out a space for himself as the Art Bell of conservative discourse) will make something the flu shots. He generate enough hoopla to keep thousands of his dumb-ass viewers from getting the shot. They will get sick, and some will die. This will be then be Obama's fault because he made us choose between injections of Kool-Aide or getting sick, rather than coming up with a "real" vaccine.

The up-shot, of course, is that it may go a long way to further supporting Darwinism.

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